to YOU
i dedicate this song.
Your bitter goodbye is ringing through this quiet night,
This idle hour just wont pass
I've never missed you this much, never thought I would,
Didn't think you'd feel so far away
Your summer perfume is still, blowing through this hallway,
Autumn's amber red shadows dance
I miss our midnight rides on highway 18, 18 is gone
So go past the lights and all the excuses
You could have left "sincerely yours"
Don't you think it's obvious that I want to say more?
Cause anything too daring to say to you,
Will be said in this letter, then burned away
So you never realize, I'm here
I'm thinking of your vague reply
So I can understand
Why we put this at rest
Why we forget to
Say that we were leaving
Say that we were sorry
The past remains unspoken
As this vacant night is dieing
But I still miss your summer perfume
This cold air brings such a distance to us
Such a painful distance
I'm still waiting for you to say you hate me now
So I don't have to hold on to this burning heart
This burning heart is getting old, getting old
While sitting on this cold kitchen floor,
Head down to hide the tears, ive realized
I've finally realized that you were never meant for me
because you told me once upon a time
that it meant alot to you
and you cried to it.
i know i never meant much to you
but you meant alot to me.
you really did
you were all i thought about.
day after night, night after day.
i remember every single conversation.
i remember your 4 smiles.
i remember the way you looked.
i remember every laugh
i saved every message
i counted the number of times you blinked.
did you know the number of times you blink actually told your mood at the time? well. it does show actually. and i know all. i know when you were feeling exhausted. i knew when you were genuinely happy. i knew when you were hungry. and when you just wanted to smile so other people would smile too.
i bet you cant even remember me now. i bet i never crossed your mind.
i'm pathetic i know
i know i never meant anything to you.
it was just me and my stupidity.
i thought there was something.
but apparently there wasnt.
well.. whatever.
theres no guarantee you'll read this. i dont even want to know if you did. because with each message i send that you dont reply im letting go even more.
i dont even know why i'm saying this. honestly.
because you sure as hell dont care.
its therapy for me.
i cant dance this one out.
thanks for listening to me.
really. honestly.
the night i cried about ken.
the conversation we had that I CANT EVEN REMEMBER.(actually i do.. a lil)
the night i just felt like going mad.
the many nights that we talked about something that was apparently nothing to you.but everything to me
well. its over now.
its finished.
and you know what.
i really dont even care
you were a great friend...
and thats all you'll be.
a really great friend to have.
i cant make you feel the same way i do.
and i'm gonna stop trying.
have a great life.
there.
thats it.
i'm starting to speak my mind.
we should be so proud.
and i'm not feeling vulnerable.
i'm sorry there couldnt be more.
i just wanna say
man mai chai khwam phee khwang khoon... khoon jam phom dai mai krap.. phom sia jai mak.. phone newan lah..
khoon kliat phom mai?
khoon rak phom mai?
khoon roo-seuk mee khwam sook mai??
phom rahk khoon....
i have and always will.
kid teung lah you stupid mu.
but i'm never gonna be like the rest. msging and teling you how much they miss you. this is my first. and it'll be my last.
if you happen to read it then well. you did. if you dont. then it'll just pass us by...
on to happier things (there always are)
kims holiday schedule!
23rd-training
24th-leaving!
2nd-back (i start work the next day!) 3rd-joel's birthday, photoshoot with ma buzz
9th-training, photoshoot with ma buzz,dance
11th-THE MOST SPECIAL DAY OF THE YEAR. WAYNE CHONGS BIRTHDAY! i'll try to spend the whole day with you bestie.. off to dom's laguna beach party
13th-training,dance
14th-FREE oh wait.. dance.
15th-training
16th-beauty shot for elite (they're thinking of taking me back if i lose 5kg. HOPEFULLY.)
17th- FREE
19th- training
20th- dance
21st- training, dance.
22nd-FREE
23rd- sid's birthday. hmmmmms.
24th-FREE!
25th-FREE!
26th-FREE!
27th-FREE!
28th-training
29th-FREE!
30th-training
ok THERE WE HAVE IT. isabel koh PLEASE GET THE MINI OBS STARTED. ellen chang you too! can we have on the last week? i'm like free lah. and when i'm free i seriously dont know what to do. hahaha. but you know what. it doesnt matter when the mini obs is. seriously. cos if theres gonna be one
i'm dropping everything to go. EVERYTHING.
i'll even cancel my photoshoots and wreck my chances of ever modelling again. thats HOW BAD I WANT TO GO FOR OBS.
people must think i'm mad. i'm so sad. yet so happy. well people. i told you it was flactuating. loves. payce out.
<3<3<3
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